We often loosely use the word “love” and we mix being in love with actually loving someone.
Being in love with someone can stem from infatuation, possessiveness and obsession. You both talk, hold hands, hug kisses and develop surface feelings. You feel alone when your partner is not around you. You crave and yearn for them to be with you all the time.
Loving someone on the other hand, goes beyond the physical presence. You desire to see them grow, you see past their flaws, you see opportunities of building into each other and together; you motivate, encourage and inspire one another. You do not have to second-guess or ask before you step in to do so. Loving someone requires 100 percent commitment on your part. The concept of true love is hard to comprehend by some. Hence, they get the wrong impression when dating someone who completely gets it. They cannot seem to understand why they deserve the love you are giving. This may make the relationship feel like it is one-sided.
The truth is you cannot receive the love you do not have to give. Loving someone entails giving without condition, wanting the very best for them, making sacrifices, not keeping a record of wrongs, trusting each other completely but if you love someone who does not really know and understand what it is to love, they will never really appreciate all you do but see it as emotionally intense or desperation. It takes being with someone who knows what it is, to love to fully understand how you love.
Falling in love may not necessarily last long since it is usually based on infatuation, lust or obsessing over the other party. If you have not experienced self-love, it will be a good time to take a step back and find you, love yourself and learn to be alone. Experiencing self-love also helps eliminate conflicts, creates room for seeing your partner for who he/she truly is without being judgmental or controlling but willing to sacrifice the time and effort required to help each other get on track. Love is beyond the outward and begins as an inside job.
Love someone not because of what you can get but what you can give. You may fall in love due to selfish reasons and fall out of love when there are no personal gains. Do not just fall in love because you can easily fall out of love when the things you desire no longer exist in your relationship. Ensure you love someone completely – for who he/she is, embrace each other’s flaws, see and bring the best out of each other, during good and bad seasons of your journey and be patient with each other. Let your love for each other grow beyond measures.
©2014 Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved. This article was originally post on Kemi’s Website. Ready to find the love you deserve? Join Kemi Sogunle for a 12-week program: “Purposeful Dating Program.”
Order Kemi’s Books on Life and Relationships.
Show MoreSometimes what you think is true love, especially when you’re young, might not turn out to be the perfect romance you dreamed of or imagined. William Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet tells the story of two young star-crossed lovers, Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet. They come from two different feuding families, but their unfaltering affection ends with a fair amount of tragedy on both sides. There is no question of their unconditional dedication, but there is one of if this love really just stems from lust. You can’t fall in love in a day or come in and out of it so quickly, making their “love” a simple young infatuation.
Feelings of lust can be initiated at the first meeting of two people, sometimes immediately. This is true for…show more content…
93-100) Meaning that the initial thing Romeo and Juliet noticed about each were their physical attributes, such as their hands and then their lips. Being highly focused on someone’s body or looks at first meeting is a definite sign of lust, and the first things they say to each other when they meet are comments on their appearance which doesn’t suggest love as much as desire. The same applies to real life relationships, as writer and psychologist Judith Orloff states, “In the early stage of a relationship, lust is fueled by idealization and projection--you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be--rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.” (Page 1) This helps to prove that Romeo and Juliet rushed their relationship based on immediate lust and desire and didn’t see each other completely. Actually throughout the majority of the play, they talked very briefly and the times they did were also short or cut off. Despite this, the two claim to be nothing short of in love with each other, which isn’t real love considering they barley know each other as people.
Young lovers have almost always been the same throughout history, hormones eventually take over and so do feelings of lust, leading them so make even more rash decisions and think less about what they’re doing. Romeo and Juliet are no different in this, which can be especially seen with Juliet in her candidly sexual soliloquy as she wonders, “Oh, I have bought the mansion of a love, But not possessed